Monday, April 6, 2020

Rats Do This Up to 30 Times a Day!

Jasmin_Sessler - Pixabay

What were you thinking?

Rats can drop 10-30 turds a day.  We all poop. Some, more than others. Hopefully, none of us as often as rats! Since rats have firm, clean pellet-like poop, they have no need to wipe. Most humans are not so blessed hence, the need for toilet paper.

The media keep reassuring us that we do not have a TP shortage. Then why are the shelves empty? Hoarders are making it difficult for everyone. Supposedly, it is human nature to hoard TP in times of crisis, because it gives us a feeling of control.  No matter how bad things get, at least we have toilet paper!

It used to be that most households would have a 4-pack or maybe even a 6-pack in the closet to supply all the bathrooms in the house. This seemed like plenty. Then along came Costco, the land of 30-48 super-sized rolls per case. Rolls so large, that the first sheets off the roll require deft maneuvering to get them off the normal-sized holder. Rolls equal to two TP rolls of yore.

As we peel the last shredded square, exposing the naked brown cardboard tube, we being to panic. We dash to the closet and survey the stash.  We only have one case! Add that to the shopping list! Plan the next Costco run as we only have 29-47 rolls in reserve.  Crazy, right?

Recently, on a NYC subway ride, we sat across from a man with one roll of toilet paper nestled in a sack between his feet. After he left, we had quite the conversation. Who buys a single roll of toilet paper? Did he not have storage space? Could he only afford one roll? Was he trying to quit?

Nothing else can replace toilet paper. Technically, it is toilet tissue. Thin tissue paper. It is made to dissolve quickly. This is important for the health of your house’s plumbing. Facial tissue (aka Kleenex), paper towels, and so-called “flushable” wipes are not made to dissolve quickly, but they can quickly clog and back up plumbing. Check out this video from “Adam Ruins Everything”. These wipes are causing major clogs (called “fatbergs”) in plumbing systems everywhere.

There are varying grades of toilet tissue. At the low end, institutional tissue is usually 1-ply. It is supposedly cheaper, but given that one needs three times as much to do half the job, I question that premise. I remember one kind our school district used actually had visible wood fibers. Maybe they assumed the threat of sphincter splinters would discourage waste. High-end tissue can have as many as 3-ply with clouds, ripples, or squeegees.

Most tissue is made from non-recycled wood fiber which is crazy to think that we are clearing forests to clean our rears. Recycled pulp tissue hasn’t ranked high on the toilet tissue scale. It isn’t soft, doesn’t have pillows, but it does dissolve quickly...sometime in your hand.

How to avoid all this ecological devastation, plugged plumbing and TP tension? I give you...the bidet.
Bidets come in all sizes shapes and iterations. From the Japanese TOTO which has warm water, warm air, and soothing music, to the Turkish water jug for rinsing, to the easy-install toilet seat bidet.

Think about it. If you got fecal matter on your arm, would you wipe it off with a dry paper towel and call it good? How is cleaning your rear any different?

Bidets supply a clean water rinse to your nether regions that enable a thorough gentle clean to which no TP can compare. (Wiki How provides instructions on how to use various types of bidets.) The $30 toilet seat models that can be ordered online enable human rats to achieve a glorious level of clean with minimal use of TP and no need for a costly nonflushable-flushable wipe. Once adapted to the bidet, TP use will seem as barbaric as it actually is.

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